A lot of jokes have been made about József Szájer. Being a member Fidesz (the proto-fascist party in Hungary) supporting LGBTIQ-hating policies, being caught in a gay gang-bang party in Brussels, trying to escape naked through the window, with drugs in his bag. And violating the covid-restrictions.
There is a loooooong history of feeling suppressing homosexuals, trying to fit into their homosexual-hating environment - and trying to prove their heterosexuality by bullying gays. Or right wing gay politicians publicly supporting anti-gay politics. And for all of them, I’m sorry to some degree. Why?
I grew up on a farm countryside in eastern Germany - still quite an “not so open minded” area for LGBTIQ people. And for quite some time I tried to redeem myself as heterosexual by insulting gays. Though I am one of them.
That is the often heard explanation to why still-in-the-closet-gays are so mean to other gays.
But there is more to it. It is often also a level of jealousy. Being jealous of those, who live their sexuality openly. Who are proud and act on their sexual needs. I know that state of mind. It feels so very unfair. Why are there people happy about their sexuality, going to prides, flirting openly with each-other while I myself don’t have the security to do so. While I’m too afraid of being hated by my family, friends or colleagues.
As a public person (like a politician) that will only be worse. Will voters vote again for him, if he’s out as gay?
And than there is a layer of kink coming into that mood too. Devotion. For some reason gay slurs trigger my own devote trait, my own submission. If you are not very comfortable with your own sexuality it is very hard to express your desires - and therefore create an healthy environment for your sexuality. So particularly submissive people tend to go into abusive relationships as it serves some of their desires.
If you are too uncomfortable talking about your sexuality, you can’t find people for role plays or sessions. What if they react badly to you opening up about your desires? What if they start laughing about you? What if they out your fantasy to others?
So you don’t talk about your sexual fantasies but find other ways of achieving them. One of them might lead to self-hate. To shaming yourself for who you are. Supporting politics that make your very own live harder - but that extra burden on your shoulders creates some sexual pleasure.
I do not know József Szájer personally. He is not one of my clients (yet). But I see these behaviours to some degree in myself and I have several clients acting that way too. And I am incredible happy they found the courage to come to me and I feel humbled they trust me with this. That I can be their safe environment to enjoy the sexuality they are too afraid of to enjoy with anyone else. They can contact me without outing themselves (like on gay dating apps, where you hardly ever get any date without a face pic first).
So József Szájer - and people feeling that way - please contact me! I do charge for sex but I do not out any of my clients ever and I am okay with a lot of sexual fantasies. Creating a safe space for clients to open up, so they come with all their anxieties and leave relieved, making them happy - is what I love the most about my job.
And maybe - just maybe - sex workers are creating a little less harmful politics that way too.