I deal pleasure for money. And despite the common understanding of my profession I quite like it.
It’s not the job I dreamed about as a child (though I always had lots of sex fantasies).
It is not the job I wish to do for the next 40 years.
Then, why do I work as a sex worker?
I’m queer. For a long time I identified as gay. I’ve had lots and lots of random sex dates with guys I met on dating apps. I was offered quite a few times money from usually a bit older guys to have sex with them and for quite some time I refused due to my own “moral high ground”. I had sex with them but didn’t take their money as taking the money felt wrong to me.
I’ve worked in a few “normal” jobs, as bicycle courier, waiter, for a TV production, for a start-up and for some NGOs. I liked most of the jobs … but I couldn’t keep any of them over a longer period of time.
I’ve been diagnosed with AD(H)D 2018. That explained a lot to me. Why I’m interested in so many different things but also, why I’m so bad at doing some non-exciting job. After some time my interest fades away and I want to do other things.
I have a tendency to correct mistakes I see - and this behavior is not very welcome with most bosses … so some of them found reasons to let me go.
That brought me to the moment where I was in serious trouble to pay my rent … and then I got a request on grindr to suck some dick for money again and I just did. And surprisingly it felt better than most random sex dates I had before.
I expected to be treated badly as I’m just the “whore” sucking dicks for money but I was treated better than most grindr-style sex dates.
So I decided to give it a go and made a hunqz-account. (Hunqz is the escort platform connected to PlanetRomeo - the biggest German gay dating site).
The experiences I made were all quite similar. I was treated better if people paid me, then if we had sex without any money. After some time I learned I was treated better as the people booking me, really wanted me.
They spend money on having a good time with me.
Most Grindr style sex dates were not about me. They were about having another human body that seemed okay to have sex with, because the other one was horny. They just needed a body to ejaculate on, that’s why there were on grindr. (Or have some whole to put their dick into.)
When people spend money on me, there weren’t interested just in a body to ejaculate on or to put their dick into. If they just wanted any body they would have found someone on Grindr or Romeo. But they were looking for someone they actually liked. People are usually nice to the people they like.
Slowly another level of sex work reached me: the community.
I’ve been harassed and hypersexualized all my life. For when I’m wearing make-up, for having painted nails, for wearing high-heels … for the way I like to dance.
Before I started sex work the fear of harassment and hypersexualization often made me not go out. Made me show my body or face rarely online. It made me dress up in clothes that I didn’t like - but that got me around without getting harassed. I camouflaged myself.
When I got more in contact with the sex workers community, I learned to own myself. To stand up for who I am and work with the hypersexualisation, not against it.
I learned to deal with being that sexualized by just asking for money. I’m okay being your wet dream - if you pay me.
Being hypersexualized just became my job.
We can have a long debate why people harass and hypersexualize other people. Why they fetishize certain people. Some people (and governments) try to eradicate that sexualization. I can follow their thought … to fight it. To educate people to not harass anyone anymore. I really want the world to be free of harassment.
Though I’m skeptical if that ever will be the case. And I am not in charge of changing any laws or dictate what will be tought in school.
So my way of dealing with it, is turning it into a business.
I don’t know if that is “the right way” to change society to a better one. But for now my main concern is paying rent and therefore I need a job. So why not sex work?
As I described above I learned how I feel less used as a sex worker than being “normally” harassed and hypersexualized for who I am. I feel more respected for having sex when I’m paid than without payment. And it’s not to the point that the money compensate something awful - but to the point that my clients really like me.
I use a work name and there are quite some clients who get quite attached and it can be hard to set them boundaries. But even setting these boundaries is so much easier if it is a defined service that I’m offering. In private these boundaries are often so much harder to set. “we had great sex, why can’t we grow old together?”.
Because I’m offering a service. We have a good time together and then we both go our lives again. I’m the escape from the often exhausting every day life. Have fun with me, relax, enjoy, pay me for that and get back into your every day life relaxed. I’m your short vacation.
That is how I became a sex worker. How I became a proud sex worker.